Is there really a need for the "World's Largest As Seen On TV Superstore?"Or Snuggies, for that matter?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
It's Everywhere!
Is there really a need for the "World's Largest As Seen On TV Superstore?"Or Snuggies, for that matter?
WoooHooooooooo!!!!!!
Finally, the Gods answer the call!
This summer has been a hot one. Temperatures have been higher than historical averages (I blame Al Gore) and precipitation at decade lows (don't know if that's true, but it sounds good), so some heavy weather is much needed.
The pond at home is probably down by 1.5 to 2 feet and the aquatic residents of the aforementioned will be excited to get a new rush of fresh water. Not to mention the happy garden and all that dried out corn I saw in the delta weekend before last.
Thank you baby Jesus for answering our prayers. Now, can you make it last until Friday?? pretty please?
This summer has been a hot one. Temperatures have been higher than historical averages (I blame Al Gore) and precipitation at decade lows (don't know if that's true, but it sounds good), so some heavy weather is much needed.
The pond at home is probably down by 1.5 to 2 feet and the aquatic residents of the aforementioned will be excited to get a new rush of fresh water. Not to mention the happy garden and all that dried out corn I saw in the delta weekend before last.
Thank you baby Jesus for answering our prayers. Now, can you make it last until Friday?? pretty please?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Friday Night Freakshow. . .
Sorry that there is no actual video for this, but hey, the vocals do enough damage without pictures. Anyone with an interest in king Diamond can sort through the various crap bootlegs and terrible audio of the clips on YouTube.
This is a damn fine performance of The Family Ghost.
"Beware of the slippery stairs, you could easily fall and break your neck!"
This is a damn fine performance of The Family Ghost.
"Beware of the slippery stairs, you could easily fall and break your neck!"
The Real Meaning. . .
The little Obama girls can wear all the cutesy t-shirts decrying one world injustice or another, but this photo explains the reality of it all. . .
(click photo to enlarge)
(click photo to enlarge)
Thanks to Big Don for the submission!
T.G.I.F. . .
Just found out an interesting thing about Keith Carlock, the accomplished session drummer who currently fills the vacuum created by 30-plus years of Steely Dan compositions.
Apparently, Keith is a product of Clinton, Mississippi and being only slightly younger than myself I am almost certain that he and I went to school together at some point. Don't remember any Keith's particularly, but I do remember this dickhead named Dusty.
This punk, on the 2nd grade playground, was a hulking, squared-browed, strawberry blonde, hillbilly-looking near-idiot who punished us "littler" kids by wandering the schoolyard in pursuit of sadistic pleasures such as tucking his big, fat grubby hand up the sleeve of his red and white polar jacket and coaxing a younger child to peer inside.
To which, some dopey kid would lean over almost poking his nose into the cuff of the sleeve only to be slammed in the face by a rapidly exiting, fat, grubby fist. Yes, I was one of those dopey kids. Dusty, wherever you are in life I hope it is a dark, painful and eternally uncomfortable place, people like you deserve places like that.
But back to Keith. Keith and I also shared drum teacher extraordinaire George Lawrence, another fine product of this great state, who played locally for years in a band called Chemistry. George was a good man, a fantastic drummer and taught me just enough to make me think I knew it all. In retrospect, I should have stuck it out like Keith.
Yet, some people are naturals at what they do and Keith is certainly that. His fluidity, speed and most importantly, his "time" are the tenets of modern drumming and most positively he has accomplished it all.
Thanks Keith and thanks George. Keep on the skins and never let up!
Apparently, Keith is a product of Clinton, Mississippi and being only slightly younger than myself I am almost certain that he and I went to school together at some point. Don't remember any Keith's particularly, but I do remember this dickhead named Dusty.
This punk, on the 2nd grade playground, was a hulking, squared-browed, strawberry blonde, hillbilly-looking near-idiot who punished us "littler" kids by wandering the schoolyard in pursuit of sadistic pleasures such as tucking his big, fat grubby hand up the sleeve of his red and white polar jacket and coaxing a younger child to peer inside.
To which, some dopey kid would lean over almost poking his nose into the cuff of the sleeve only to be slammed in the face by a rapidly exiting, fat, grubby fist. Yes, I was one of those dopey kids. Dusty, wherever you are in life I hope it is a dark, painful and eternally uncomfortable place, people like you deserve places like that.
But back to Keith. Keith and I also shared drum teacher extraordinaire George Lawrence, another fine product of this great state, who played locally for years in a band called Chemistry. George was a good man, a fantastic drummer and taught me just enough to make me think I knew it all. In retrospect, I should have stuck it out like Keith.
Yet, some people are naturals at what they do and Keith is certainly that. His fluidity, speed and most importantly, his "time" are the tenets of modern drumming and most positively he has accomplished it all.
Thanks Keith and thanks George. Keep on the skins and never let up!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Mmm. . .Mmm. . .Good!
Someone, somewhere, sometime once said, "To each his own."
And before you click through the link below, take a deep breath, a sip of cold water, put away whatever delectable goody you might be nibbling on at the moment and remember the above words.
In less civilized times man was simply a survivor and as he gained intelligence, language, skill and dispersed across our fair planet as a result of travel, war, displacement, disease, conquering or being conquered, his diet and well-being improved over the eons of time since the first predecessors of man appeared.
The challenge of life breeds necessity and from that many wonderful creations, ideas, inventions and serendipitous discoveries have been curated, incubated, and this culmination of general knowledge has been passed down through thousands of years via culture and custom.
In our modern era of pre-packaged foods, Happy Meals, convenience stores and general slothiness we have lost much of that culture and custom when it comes to our foods. But fear not, there are still plenty of people eating horrifying things all over planet earth.
And through the modern miracle that is the internet, I bring you the 10 worst foods ever.
And before you click through the link below, take a deep breath, a sip of cold water, put away whatever delectable goody you might be nibbling on at the moment and remember the above words.
In less civilized times man was simply a survivor and as he gained intelligence, language, skill and dispersed across our fair planet as a result of travel, war, displacement, disease, conquering or being conquered, his diet and well-being improved over the eons of time since the first predecessors of man appeared.
The challenge of life breeds necessity and from that many wonderful creations, ideas, inventions and serendipitous discoveries have been curated, incubated, and this culmination of general knowledge has been passed down through thousands of years via culture and custom.
In our modern era of pre-packaged foods, Happy Meals, convenience stores and general slothiness we have lost much of that culture and custom when it comes to our foods. But fear not, there are still plenty of people eating horrifying things all over planet earth.
And through the modern miracle that is the internet, I bring you the 10 worst foods ever.
I Hope You Know. . .
. . .this means war!
Wouldn't an all out attack on the critical computer systems of the United States government by foreign entities be tantamount to a declaration of war?
Yes? No?
Or does the mandate of "smart diplomacy" not allow for such minor trivialities?
Can't you see that Obama is busy trying to control the temperature of the planet? Leave the poor man alone and forget nuclear winter. 2 degrees celsius is where it be at, yo!
While our dear leader fumbles the ball in Russia, smart diplomat Shillary Clinton meets with ousted Honduran egomaniac/socialist Manuel Zelaya, and Obama's off-limits daughter sports political fashion propaganda at a global warming/climate change/highway robbery meeting, there are evil forces at work in the world who would like to see America crumble.
In my unfortunate opinion, I believe America has already begun to crumble and it has started at the top with Obama's neophyte administration. It's all down hill from here folks. And for those Bush haters who continue to pile on the man, I have several choice words for you nutsacks, but I'll keep it between the lines by saying only this:
It's all Obama's problem now. The crazies of the world sense weakness and there is nothing more that stark-raving-mad lunatics who operate closed-door, totalitarian, cultist societies love more than weakness. And Obama has certainly played his limp-wristed and weak hand to the world. Over and over again.
So, any bad turds that come down the pipe are surely to lay at the feet of Obama.
If you clicked through all of the links, you will see that I connected you, ever-so unfortunately to the Daily Kos. I don't normally do that because it is a festering pusbucket filled with left-wing baby killers, but on occasion it's nice to stop by and see how the amoral "other side" is living.
At the end of that dissertation of the Honduran situation, the author couldn't stand not throwing in some racism charges against the Honduran Foreign Minister who referred to Obama as a "negrito."
Let me 'splain something to you lily-white sacks of shit who hide in your mother's basement and only take your red-rubbed peewee out of your hand long enough to chalk everything up to racism in feeble attempts to protect our illegitimate president.
When I lived in Central America, I was initially taken aback by comments such as that, the cutting nature of the sound and the way in which it was used. But, after time, I realized that it was simply a way of life and an accepted way of speaking.
If you were fat, they called you fat. ¡Hola gordo!
If you were skinny, like I was (and I stress was) I heard, ¡Que pasa Flaco!
On occasion when the local horndogs in a bar would spy a particularly attractive, but darker than the average brown woman, they would call out, "¡Oiga, Negra!"
Or perhaps it was about the black man who worked at the local ferreterÃa (hardware store) who was an expert flooring specialist. "No, no usted tiene que hablar con Guillermo. ¿Guillermo, el viejo? No, Guillermo, el negro."
William the old man? No, William the black man.
Everyone was fair game and there were no hangups about calling someone what they were in jest, in reality or with a vicious swipe to hurt. That was their human nature and they don't know how lucky they are to not be suffering under the weight of extreme political correctness as we are here in the USA.
Although, I did feel a pang of guilt when one local guy with a slightly deformed face would come into our hangout and the crowd would cheer with a welcoming, "¡Hola feo!"
Hello ugly.
But through a sly, toothless grin he would reply, "¡Hola carepichas!"
Hello dickfaces!
This is the real world and even you monkey-spanking, basement-dwelling dweebs need to toughen up. That goes for you too, Obama. The clock is ticking.
Wouldn't an all out attack on the critical computer systems of the United States government by foreign entities be tantamount to a declaration of war?
Yes? No?
Or does the mandate of "smart diplomacy" not allow for such minor trivialities?
Can't you see that Obama is busy trying to control the temperature of the planet? Leave the poor man alone and forget nuclear winter. 2 degrees celsius is where it be at, yo!
While our dear leader fumbles the ball in Russia, smart diplomat Shillary Clinton meets with ousted Honduran egomaniac/socialist Manuel Zelaya, and Obama's off-limits daughter sports political fashion propaganda at a global warming/climate change/highway robbery meeting, there are evil forces at work in the world who would like to see America crumble.
In my unfortunate opinion, I believe America has already begun to crumble and it has started at the top with Obama's neophyte administration. It's all down hill from here folks. And for those Bush haters who continue to pile on the man, I have several choice words for you nutsacks, but I'll keep it between the lines by saying only this:
It's all Obama's problem now. The crazies of the world sense weakness and there is nothing more that stark-raving-mad lunatics who operate closed-door, totalitarian, cultist societies love more than weakness. And Obama has certainly played his limp-wristed and weak hand to the world. Over and over again.
So, any bad turds that come down the pipe are surely to lay at the feet of Obama.
If you clicked through all of the links, you will see that I connected you, ever-so unfortunately to the Daily Kos. I don't normally do that because it is a festering pusbucket filled with left-wing baby killers, but on occasion it's nice to stop by and see how the amoral "other side" is living.
At the end of that dissertation of the Honduran situation, the author couldn't stand not throwing in some racism charges against the Honduran Foreign Minister who referred to Obama as a "negrito."
Let me 'splain something to you lily-white sacks of shit who hide in your mother's basement and only take your red-rubbed peewee out of your hand long enough to chalk everything up to racism in feeble attempts to protect our illegitimate president.
When I lived in Central America, I was initially taken aback by comments such as that, the cutting nature of the sound and the way in which it was used. But, after time, I realized that it was simply a way of life and an accepted way of speaking.
If you were fat, they called you fat. ¡Hola gordo!
If you were skinny, like I was (and I stress was) I heard, ¡Que pasa Flaco!
On occasion when the local horndogs in a bar would spy a particularly attractive, but darker than the average brown woman, they would call out, "¡Oiga, Negra!"
Or perhaps it was about the black man who worked at the local ferreterÃa (hardware store) who was an expert flooring specialist. "No, no usted tiene que hablar con Guillermo. ¿Guillermo, el viejo? No, Guillermo, el negro."
William the old man? No, William the black man.
Everyone was fair game and there were no hangups about calling someone what they were in jest, in reality or with a vicious swipe to hurt. That was their human nature and they don't know how lucky they are to not be suffering under the weight of extreme political correctness as we are here in the USA.
Although, I did feel a pang of guilt when one local guy with a slightly deformed face would come into our hangout and the crowd would cheer with a welcoming, "¡Hola feo!"
Hello ugly.
But through a sly, toothless grin he would reply, "¡Hola carepichas!"
Hello dickfaces!
This is the real world and even you monkey-spanking, basement-dwelling dweebs need to toughen up. That goes for you too, Obama. The clock is ticking.
Mental. . .
If the wrong person preaches a right teaching, even a right teaching becomes wrong. If the right person expounds a wrong teaching, even a wrong teaching becomes right. -- Muso Kokushi
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Sum Total. . .
I just saw an article by the AP which I will not link nor quote because they have a bunch of sleazy lawyers just waiting to jump on flat-broke hobby bloggers like me who use their "copyrighted" material even though "fair use" is offered protection under the law.
Anyway, the article is about the burial and general mob scene that is brewing in Los Angeles (hang in there Greasywrench!) and some dingus who shall remain nameless stated that Mr. Michael "I Like To Feel Up Little Boys" Jackson is the American equivalent of Princess Diana.
Just one thing wrong with your metaphoric, allegoricalike, simile equation sir.
Princess Diana never felt up any children and paid huge amounts of hush money to keep it all under wraps while she covered her children in bedsheets and dangled babies by the arm from a balcony.
Pundit and Pundette have a nice wrapup of the coming calamity.
Anyway, the article is about the burial and general mob scene that is brewing in Los Angeles (hang in there Greasywrench!) and some dingus who shall remain nameless stated that Mr. Michael "I Like To Feel Up Little Boys" Jackson is the American equivalent of Princess Diana.
Just one thing wrong with your metaphoric, allegoricalike, simile equation sir.
Princess Diana never felt up any children and paid huge amounts of hush money to keep it all under wraps while she covered her children in bedsheets and dangled babies by the arm from a balcony.
Pundit and Pundette have a nice wrapup of the coming calamity.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Cur-sed Tuesdays. . .
Greetings to all! I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day weekend filled with family, fun and food.
Now it's Tuesday and we're all back to work. :(
Double :(
So a few questions. . . .
Is Obama really as stoopid as he appears to be? I am specifically referring to the events in Honduras where President Mel Zalaya, who is a crony ball-gurgler of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, was rightfully removed from office by the military at the behest of the Supreme Court after he threatened the sovereignty of the country's Constitution.
But bumbly-fuck Obama, the clear-headed and most great president since presidents were invented, allows us a glimpse inside the expansive inner-workings of his administration, the best, brightest, most educated, tax evading, criminal masterminds ever coalesced to fuck shit up.
Is it just me or has he appeared to be on the wrong side of some colossal world events, like Iran, where thug mullahs gunned down freedom loving young people in the streets of Teheran and Obama characterized it as, what was it? Oh yes, in Obama's mind, cold-blooded murder equals "vigorous debate."
Well, I've got one for you Obama: greatest ever, double ever and ever amen president actually equals total fucking moron. Good job dickhead. Obama ate ice cream, people died.
As yourself this question Obama, when you see yourself on television screwing up do you feel the immense full-body burning sensation of shame? Do you sweat? Do you feel nauseated? If so, then look around you, at the people you've hired, at the yes men and women who operate the many strings attached to you and ask yourself this: who the fuck are these people?
Because Cuz, that's what we're are asking too.
Second in world events, when are they gonna put Michael Jackson in a box and bury that son-of-a-bitch 6 feet under so we don't have to look at his creepy, child-molesting, Joker face any longer? All has gone wrong in the world when we idolize pedophiles and conveniently forget the fresh-faced, all-American gal from Texas who lost a long battle against creeping death and contributed positive sensibilities in a corrupt Hollywood culture.
Don't get me wrong, MJ was a tremendous performer and I love some of his music, but he was deformed not only in body, but in mind and spirit. A pervert and a psycho, he needs to be laid to rest sooner rather than later and forgotten by our collective conscience.
And finally, Steve McNair, excellent NFL quarterback and until last week, a shining example of success and an upstanding pillar of the Mississippi community, was gunned down apparently by a jealous mistress.
Such a sad ending to a great story in Steve. Grew up poor in a small Mount Olive, Mississippi, raised right by his mama (for the most part), went off to college, got an education, played a little football along the way racking up record after record at the collegiate level.
Then off to the NFL, where he incubated with the then Houston Oilers before soon following the team to Tennessee, which is where his true talent shone through and Steve matured as a player. We all know the rest of his story complete with a very sad ending.
Well, there you have it folks. Four very different stories. Four very different outcomes. Four different reactions from our suck-up, drive-by media and it is disgusting.
But I ask a final question, "Is America simply getting what she wants?"
Now it's Tuesday and we're all back to work. :(
Double :(
So a few questions. . . .
Is Obama really as stoopid as he appears to be? I am specifically referring to the events in Honduras where President Mel Zalaya, who is a crony ball-gurgler of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, was rightfully removed from office by the military at the behest of the Supreme Court after he threatened the sovereignty of the country's Constitution.
But bumbly-fuck Obama, the clear-headed and most great president since presidents were invented, allows us a glimpse inside the expansive inner-workings of his administration, the best, brightest, most educated, tax evading, criminal masterminds ever coalesced to fuck shit up.
Is it just me or has he appeared to be on the wrong side of some colossal world events, like Iran, where thug mullahs gunned down freedom loving young people in the streets of Teheran and Obama characterized it as, what was it? Oh yes, in Obama's mind, cold-blooded murder equals "vigorous debate."
Well, I've got one for you Obama: greatest ever, double ever and ever amen president actually equals total fucking moron. Good job dickhead. Obama ate ice cream, people died.
As yourself this question Obama, when you see yourself on television screwing up do you feel the immense full-body burning sensation of shame? Do you sweat? Do you feel nauseated? If so, then look around you, at the people you've hired, at the yes men and women who operate the many strings attached to you and ask yourself this: who the fuck are these people?
Because Cuz, that's what we're are asking too.
Second in world events, when are they gonna put Michael Jackson in a box and bury that son-of-a-bitch 6 feet under so we don't have to look at his creepy, child-molesting, Joker face any longer? All has gone wrong in the world when we idolize pedophiles and conveniently forget the fresh-faced, all-American gal from Texas who lost a long battle against creeping death and contributed positive sensibilities in a corrupt Hollywood culture.
Don't get me wrong, MJ was a tremendous performer and I love some of his music, but he was deformed not only in body, but in mind and spirit. A pervert and a psycho, he needs to be laid to rest sooner rather than later and forgotten by our collective conscience.
And finally, Steve McNair, excellent NFL quarterback and until last week, a shining example of success and an upstanding pillar of the Mississippi community, was gunned down apparently by a jealous mistress.
Such a sad ending to a great story in Steve. Grew up poor in a small Mount Olive, Mississippi, raised right by his mama (for the most part), went off to college, got an education, played a little football along the way racking up record after record at the collegiate level.
Then off to the NFL, where he incubated with the then Houston Oilers before soon following the team to Tennessee, which is where his true talent shone through and Steve matured as a player. We all know the rest of his story complete with a very sad ending.
Well, there you have it folks. Four very different stories. Four very different outcomes. Four different reactions from our suck-up, drive-by media and it is disgusting.
But I ask a final question, "Is America simply getting what she wants?"
Thursday, June 25, 2009
When Bugs Urinate. . .
. . or whatever.
I have giant sunflowers growing in the front flower bed at home. I'm not the biggest fan of sunflowers, as some can attest, but they were planted as part of a wildflower mix, so what can I do? They are there and the bees and hummingbirds love them. And I love bees and hummingbirds. Some kind of natural symbiosis there.
As the sunflowers have become larger, taller and thicker I began noticing what seemed to be tiny droplets of water falling away from the flowers. I never really investigated and was happy to sit on the porch in the evenings drinking a Heineken while I watched the drops fall from a distance and pondered the larger troubles of life like, "why did that long squiggly hair grow out of the neck mole of my dishwasher in Central America?"
But Saturday, I stepped off into serendipity of monumental proportions. I went to light the tiki torches that are residents of the front flower box too and as I reached up to the second one, it occurred to me that I was being wetted by this curious falling flower precipitation. Odd, I thought.
Then, and only then, did I realize that it was NOT curious falling flower precipitation, but bizarre bug butt ejaculations!
Put the evidence in the car Junior!
As you can see there is a bizarre bug, of which there are dozens, and to his right, arcing downward, what appears to be a photographic defect. I assure you dear reader that this is not a photographic defect, but sputum of some description from a bug butt.
After this episode, I am thinking of firebombing the whole flower garden!
Death to bug butts!
I have giant sunflowers growing in the front flower bed at home. I'm not the biggest fan of sunflowers, as some can attest, but they were planted as part of a wildflower mix, so what can I do? They are there and the bees and hummingbirds love them. And I love bees and hummingbirds. Some kind of natural symbiosis there.
As the sunflowers have become larger, taller and thicker I began noticing what seemed to be tiny droplets of water falling away from the flowers. I never really investigated and was happy to sit on the porch in the evenings drinking a Heineken while I watched the drops fall from a distance and pondered the larger troubles of life like, "why did that long squiggly hair grow out of the neck mole of my dishwasher in Central America?"
But Saturday, I stepped off into serendipity of monumental proportions. I went to light the tiki torches that are residents of the front flower box too and as I reached up to the second one, it occurred to me that I was being wetted by this curious falling flower precipitation. Odd, I thought.
Then, and only then, did I realize that it was NOT curious falling flower precipitation, but bizarre bug butt ejaculations!
Put the evidence in the car Junior!
As you can see there is a bizarre bug, of which there are dozens, and to his right, arcing downward, what appears to be a photographic defect. I assure you dear reader that this is not a photographic defect, but sputum of some description from a bug butt.
After this episode, I am thinking of firebombing the whole flower garden!
Death to bug butts!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Things I'd Rather Be Doing. . .
than watching President Buckethead babbling about something he knows nothing about:
1) Scalping tickets at a Barry Manilow/Jonas Brothers contest
2) Having a political discussion with "Pac Man" Jones
3) Working in a paperclip factory
4) Plumbing the depths of my cornea with a knitting needle
5) Eating bars of Lava soap and chasing it down with lukewarm buttermilk
6) Lighting my farts with a TIG welder
7) Looking at macro photographs of slime molds
8) Doing double-dutch jump-rope on broken glass and fermented dog poo
9) Going to a tickle party in Berkeley, California
10) And finally, memorizing the Bible backwards in Latin while being force-fed hot gravel, dung beetles, centipedes, cockroaches and Jagermeister shots spiked with asbestos and mercury, while fourteen Viking warriors take turns pummeling my balls with a flaming lead mace as Kajagoogoo's Too Shy on vinyl screeches at 78 rpm over a 1977 Realistic stereo and a blind Chinese hermaphrodite gives me a pedicure with it's teeth and liberal sloshes of sulfuric acid.
1) Scalping tickets at a Barry Manilow/Jonas Brothers contest
2) Having a political discussion with "Pac Man" Jones
3) Working in a paperclip factory
4) Plumbing the depths of my cornea with a knitting needle
5) Eating bars of Lava soap and chasing it down with lukewarm buttermilk
6) Lighting my farts with a TIG welder
7) Looking at macro photographs of slime molds
8) Doing double-dutch jump-rope on broken glass and fermented dog poo
9) Going to a tickle party in Berkeley, California
10) And finally, memorizing the Bible backwards in Latin while being force-fed hot gravel, dung beetles, centipedes, cockroaches and Jagermeister shots spiked with asbestos and mercury, while fourteen Viking warriors take turns pummeling my balls with a flaming lead mace as Kajagoogoo's Too Shy on vinyl screeches at 78 rpm over a 1977 Realistic stereo and a blind Chinese hermaphrodite gives me a pedicure with it's teeth and liberal sloshes of sulfuric acid.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday's Zen. . .
We must model ourselves on Bodhidharma, who kept sitting till his buttocks grew rotten. We must have done with all words and letters, and attain truth itself. - Shinkichi Takahashi
If enlightenment is sitting until buttocks rot off, then one has achieved nothing at the cost of one's dirty ass. - Burnt Toast
Pass the Charmin please.
If enlightenment is sitting until buttocks rot off, then one has achieved nothing at the cost of one's dirty ass. - Burnt Toast
Pass the Charmin please.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Old School, New School. . .
Heard these young chaps grinding it out on the radio. I hear lots of old influence in there, but nevertheless, great groove, awesome guitar work! Clearly a winning tune in my book.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Question Of The Day. . .
What is the only thing better than a circus?
Do-do-do-do
Do-do-do
Do-do-do-do
Do! Do-do-do-do-do. . .
A cat circus, that's what!
Do-do-do-do
Do-do-do
Do-do-do-do
Do! Do-do-do-do-do. . .
A cat circus, that's what!
Accomplished. . .
Hey, how about a little Keith Carlock this morning. His style described in this YouTube video as 'fidgety."
I like that! I think I'm feeling fidgety too!
Keep a sharp eye on his left hand. As an amateur and "sometimes" drummer, I note this left hand control, because at least for me, to keep that left hand moving so much is a phenomenon. Precision, power and control. Not to mention that in many parts of this clip he has four separate and distinctive rhythms happening all at one. Right and left hands, right and left feet. All separate, but meshed together into one overwhelming jive.
Far out man! Shit! Does anyone say that anymore?
I like that! I think I'm feeling fidgety too!
Keep a sharp eye on his left hand. As an amateur and "sometimes" drummer, I note this left hand control, because at least for me, to keep that left hand moving so much is a phenomenon. Precision, power and control. Not to mention that in many parts of this clip he has four separate and distinctive rhythms happening all at one. Right and left hands, right and left feet. All separate, but meshed together into one overwhelming jive.
Far out man! Shit! Does anyone say that anymore?
52 Years. . .
Anyone remember this darling, adorable and unforgettable face?
This person is the lowest form of life on the planet. Even worms take a look at this guy and say, "You dirty!" Here is a link to last year's post on this criminal, mental defective and threat to the general public.
His name is Toriano Holmes and yesterday he agreed to plead guilty to manslaughter, burglary and auto theft in the vicious knife attack and vehicular assault on the mother of his four children, Tracy Collier.
Not satisfied with stabbing his girlfriend 26 times, Mr. Holmes added the coup de grace of running over her bleeding body in the front yard of her home.
Yesterday at the plea hearing, Toriano's oldest son got to ask the question everyone else has been wanting to ask for a year, "Why?"
Why daddy? Why?
I suppose justice has been served. With the plea deal, Holmes avoided the death penalty, so maybe in the end he is getting the last laugh. A full-time loser, he will now suck off the collective government titty for the next 52 years, while, within the friendly confines of Parchman prison he will earn his Ph.D in salad tossing, when really what he deserves is a frontal lobotomy by baseball bat.
This calls for some Steely Dan:
This person is the lowest form of life on the planet. Even worms take a look at this guy and say, "You dirty!" Here is a link to last year's post on this criminal, mental defective and threat to the general public.
His name is Toriano Holmes and yesterday he agreed to plead guilty to manslaughter, burglary and auto theft in the vicious knife attack and vehicular assault on the mother of his four children, Tracy Collier.
Not satisfied with stabbing his girlfriend 26 times, Mr. Holmes added the coup de grace of running over her bleeding body in the front yard of her home.
Yesterday at the plea hearing, Toriano's oldest son got to ask the question everyone else has been wanting to ask for a year, "Why?"
Why daddy? Why?
I suppose justice has been served. With the plea deal, Holmes avoided the death penalty, so maybe in the end he is getting the last laugh. A full-time loser, he will now suck off the collective government titty for the next 52 years, while, within the friendly confines of Parchman prison he will earn his Ph.D in salad tossing, when really what he deserves is a frontal lobotomy by baseball bat.
This calls for some Steely Dan:
Monday, June 15, 2009
Speaking Of Flashbacks. . .
Let's hop in the time machine and return to May 15, 2009.
The Memphis in May BBQ festival was a rousing success. According to the organizers this was a slightly down year concerning the number of teams entered in the event, but this did not stop large crowds from turning out and certainly did nothing to mute the fierce competition.
Last year's 2nd Place Ribs finalists, The Sassy Sows, had their game faces on when Beatrice and I arrived on Saturday morning and their ribs looked great, tasted even better, but unfortunately, they didn't place this year.
Hard luck, but sometimes it is luck to end up in the finals. Although, it cannot be ignored that they have placed in three of the last four years. But it was not to be for the girls this year. Irregardless, the ladies did a fine job and their hospitality and fun-loving demeanor are always 1st Class and 1st Place!!
Ubon's "Champion's Choice" BBQ Team elected to enter the shoulder category this year. We saw "Big Brain" Campbell on Friday night for a brief moment as he was tending to his shoulders and on Saturday, we didn't see the whole team until after the judging was over. Gary and his daughter Leslie, who incidentally is expecting a baby soon, were all there, hospitable as always and invited us to sample the pork shoulder.
Gary, by the way, was featured on Fox and Friends this past Friday morning as his team was preparing for the Big Apple BBQ something or other up there. Steve Doocy of Fox News, jackass extraordinaire, tried his best to trip Gary up with his sarcastic badgering, but Gary faced him down and it was all over after Doocy put a piece of the shoulder in his mouth. His face said it all.
Did I mention that Gary is a champion? I don't know where I get that idea from. . .
Being a professionally trained culinarian, I am quite fussy about the things I put in my mouth, well, food-wise anyway, and the shoulder Ubon's presented this year was absolutely phenomenal! Perfectly cooked, tender, well-formed "bark" on the exterior, moist and simply divine! I've cooked many a pork shoulder, but even with all my training, book learning and practical experience, I've never produced anything that comes within 10 miles of those shoulders. Well done Ubon's!!
Once the judging was over the crowds proceeded to the awards area, which was ankle deep in slimy mud, but that didn't stop the celebrating as the individual teams were crowned in the various categories.
Ubon's placed third in the shoulder category and I'm sure must have been disappointed after all the blood, sweat and beers, er, I mean tears, but a win is a win and next year is just around the corner.
The surprise hit of the event, at least for us, was the formation of a new cooking team from New York, succinctly called Jubon's. I'll ask that you go to Leslie's website for the full story of the beginnings of this new phenomenon.
Jubon's entered in the Patio Porkers ranks and walked away with a 4th place trophy! Great job Jubon's!
UPDATE: From the comment section of a previous post about Jubon's, Alexandra, whom I must assume is one of the Jubonettes, adds this:
the new york jubon's team is made up of: david rosen, adam rosen, brian jay and bob-o livingston!!!! we were just in memphis for the 2009 competition and won 4th place in patio porkers.
Names+faces = people! Paging Dr. Rosenrosen!
As for the Sassy Sows?
They lack nothing in the way of pride, friendliness and support for their fellow competitors. And I'm sure that they've already hatched a plan to capture next year's crown. Crafty little ladies they are!
And Beatrice? Well, she had a blast as this picture may attest.
Looking forward to next year's event Beatrice? I think you are!
The Memphis in May BBQ festival was a rousing success. According to the organizers this was a slightly down year concerning the number of teams entered in the event, but this did not stop large crowds from turning out and certainly did nothing to mute the fierce competition.
Last year's 2nd Place Ribs finalists, The Sassy Sows, had their game faces on when Beatrice and I arrived on Saturday morning and their ribs looked great, tasted even better, but unfortunately, they didn't place this year.
Hard luck, but sometimes it is luck to end up in the finals. Although, it cannot be ignored that they have placed in three of the last four years. But it was not to be for the girls this year. Irregardless, the ladies did a fine job and their hospitality and fun-loving demeanor are always 1st Class and 1st Place!!Ubon's "Champion's Choice" BBQ Team elected to enter the shoulder category this year. We saw "Big Brain" Campbell on Friday night for a brief moment as he was tending to his shoulders and on Saturday, we didn't see the whole team until after the judging was over. Gary and his daughter Leslie, who incidentally is expecting a baby soon, were all there, hospitable as always and invited us to sample the pork shoulder.
Gary, by the way, was featured on Fox and Friends this past Friday morning as his team was preparing for the Big Apple BBQ something or other up there. Steve Doocy of Fox News, jackass extraordinaire, tried his best to trip Gary up with his sarcastic badgering, but Gary faced him down and it was all over after Doocy put a piece of the shoulder in his mouth. His face said it all.Did I mention that Gary is a champion? I don't know where I get that idea from. . .
Being a professionally trained culinarian, I am quite fussy about the things I put in my mouth, well, food-wise anyway, and the shoulder Ubon's presented this year was absolutely phenomenal! Perfectly cooked, tender, well-formed "bark" on the exterior, moist and simply divine! I've cooked many a pork shoulder, but even with all my training, book learning and practical experience, I've never produced anything that comes within 10 miles of those shoulders. Well done Ubon's!!
Once the judging was over the crowds proceeded to the awards area, which was ankle deep in slimy mud, but that didn't stop the celebrating as the individual teams were crowned in the various categories.
Ubon's placed third in the shoulder category and I'm sure must have been disappointed after all the blood, sweat and beers, er, I mean tears, but a win is a win and next year is just around the corner.
The surprise hit of the event, at least for us, was the formation of a new cooking team from New York, succinctly called Jubon's. I'll ask that you go to Leslie's website for the full story of the beginnings of this new phenomenon.
Jubon's entered in the Patio Porkers ranks and walked away with a 4th place trophy! Great job Jubon's!
UPDATE: From the comment section of a previous post about Jubon's, Alexandra, whom I must assume is one of the Jubonettes, adds this:the new york jubon's team is made up of: david rosen, adam rosen, brian jay and bob-o livingston!!!! we were just in memphis for the 2009 competition and won 4th place in patio porkers.
Names+faces = people! Paging Dr. Rosenrosen!
As for the Sassy Sows?
They lack nothing in the way of pride, friendliness and support for their fellow competitors. And I'm sure that they've already hatched a plan to capture next year's crown. Crafty little ladies they are!And Beatrice? Well, she had a blast as this picture may attest.
Looking forward to next year's event Beatrice? I think you are!
J.I.O.T.W. . .
Nils has been all over me to resurrect the Jackson Idiot Of The Week postings. Ask and ye shall receive!
This week's installment of J.I.O.T.W. is a special event, because this week's winner is not a person concurrent with past episodes, like this doofus or another fine example in these two defective sub-humans. This week's winner is, in fact, The City of Jackson.
Nestled on the fringes of downtown Jackson is a cemetery that is home to countless Civil War soldiers, known and unknown, as well as several prominent politicians, both black and white, a handful of governors, and not forgetting scores of commoners from our great state.
But let's not let any of that get in the way of the City of Jackson. Face it, if Greenwood cemetery is a football, then the City of Jackson is the monkey fucking it.
Recently, severe storms passed through the area and an old oak tree, by some estimates over a hundred years old, was felled during the foul weather. So, who do you call to clean up a giant broken tree? The nationally recognized and well-respected Asplundh? or a local outfit like Advanced Contracting Tree Service? Or hey, maybe even Ghostbusters?
Nay, my dear reader. Those are far too expensive and by jove, we're in a budget crisis!!!!11eleventy!!1 We have anew old mayor who is going to show his stuff by being fiscally responsible and contract the work through the city. Why, we have countless tree removal experts. For example, ol' Bill cleaned up a tree round his chicken house last week and heck, even ol' Tyrone has a chainsaw so we won't have to buy one of those either!
So, said city sends a crew of able-bodied, but weak-minded dopes down to the cemetery with a rented backhoe and well. . .managed to desecrate several graves in one of the oldest portions of the grounds and in one case, dragged multiple headstones some 30 feet away from their original location according to WLBT news.
In a word: disgusting!
I can just picture our crew of hapless shitheads, no no. . .on second thought, who the hell knew what was going through the seven brains cells these mongoloids apparently shared with one another. Need I remind them that cemeteries are places of divine solace for the dead, a final resting place of recognition and remembrance for families, friends and loved ones.
Known or unknown, the dead deserve our respect and the City of Jackson, Mayor Harvey Johnson and the football fucking monkeys who did this should all be ashamed, ridiculed and personally responsible to the full and complete restoration of this valuable part of American and Mississippi history.
This week's installment of J.I.O.T.W. is a special event, because this week's winner is not a person concurrent with past episodes, like this doofus or another fine example in these two defective sub-humans. This week's winner is, in fact, The City of Jackson.
Nestled on the fringes of downtown Jackson is a cemetery that is home to countless Civil War soldiers, known and unknown, as well as several prominent politicians, both black and white, a handful of governors, and not forgetting scores of commoners from our great state.
But let's not let any of that get in the way of the City of Jackson. Face it, if Greenwood cemetery is a football, then the City of Jackson is the monkey fucking it.
Recently, severe storms passed through the area and an old oak tree, by some estimates over a hundred years old, was felled during the foul weather. So, who do you call to clean up a giant broken tree? The nationally recognized and well-respected Asplundh? or a local outfit like Advanced Contracting Tree Service? Or hey, maybe even Ghostbusters?
Nay, my dear reader. Those are far too expensive and by jove, we're in a budget crisis!!!!11eleventy!!1 We have a
So, said city sends a crew of able-bodied, but weak-minded dopes down to the cemetery with a rented backhoe and well. . .managed to desecrate several graves in one of the oldest portions of the grounds and in one case, dragged multiple headstones some 30 feet away from their original location according to WLBT news.
In a word: disgusting!
I can just picture our crew of hapless shitheads, no no. . .on second thought, who the hell knew what was going through the seven brains cells these mongoloids apparently shared with one another. Need I remind them that cemeteries are places of divine solace for the dead, a final resting place of recognition and remembrance for families, friends and loved ones.
Known or unknown, the dead deserve our respect and the City of Jackson, Mayor Harvey Johnson and the football fucking monkeys who did this should all be ashamed, ridiculed and personally responsible to the full and complete restoration of this valuable part of American and Mississippi history.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
All The Pretty Colors. . .
Man, what the heck is going on around here??
First, it was a "yellow" lobster and now we have "blue" crawfish!! WTF???
I blame Obama.
First, it was a "yellow" lobster and now we have "blue" crawfish!! WTF???
I blame Obama.
Curioser. . .
Strange.
3rd hit today for "chemical equation for burnt toast." This one from Amarillo, Texas.
Did I miss something while I was gone? Has their been some genius technological or medical breakthrough recently that I'm not aware of?
What are you people looking for?
3rd hit today for "chemical equation for burnt toast." This one from Amarillo, Texas.
Did I miss something while I was gone? Has their been some genius technological or medical breakthrough recently that I'm not aware of?
What are you people looking for?
Stronger Than Silent E. . .
David Letterman is a dickhead. That's all I have to say about that.
And even under the microscope of modern media coverage, CBS remains proud of their creepy, perverted Uncle Dave by hosting his misogynistic TOP TEN list about the Palin's from two days ago on CBS.com, today.
And they wonder why their ratings are in the crapper.
And even under the microscope of modern media coverage, CBS remains proud of their creepy, perverted Uncle Dave by hosting his misogynistic TOP TEN list about the Palin's from two days ago on CBS.com, today.
And they wonder why their ratings are in the crapper.
Awesome!
Obama needs to have his head examined.
This could become a new recruiting tool for terrorists around the globe:
Hey Achmed, have you ever wanted to see the world?
Are you looking for a life of excitement and adventure?
Then stop that old, boring job herding sheep. Its so 5th century!
Come to Afghanistan and kill American infidels!
We arm you, we train you, we teach you the techniques that will send you to the most desirable locations in the world!
And don't worry if you get caught! Inshallah you WILL get caught!
The Americans will read your your rights, lock you in a comfortable prison for a few years, fatten you up with all the Korma Sabzee you could ever want and then repatriate you to a sunny locale, like Bermuda or Palau! All at American infidel taxpayer expense.
Sign up today at your local madrassa! Allah will love you for it!
This could become a new recruiting tool for terrorists around the globe:
Hey Achmed, have you ever wanted to see the world?
Are you looking for a life of excitement and adventure?
Then stop that old, boring job herding sheep. Its so 5th century!
Come to Afghanistan and kill American infidels!
We arm you, we train you, we teach you the techniques that will send you to the most desirable locations in the world!
And don't worry if you get caught! Inshallah you WILL get caught!
The Americans will read your your rights, lock you in a comfortable prison for a few years, fatten you up with all the Korma Sabzee you could ever want and then repatriate you to a sunny locale, like Bermuda or Palau! All at American infidel taxpayer expense.
Sign up today at your local madrassa! Allah will love you for it!
Hot?
Now for something completely different.
My buddy T-Bone sent me an email with different and various assaults on normalcy, decency and human culture via this website.
Go, have a look, laugh and vomit.
My buddy T-Bone sent me an email with different and various assaults on normalcy, decency and human culture via this website.
Go, have a look, laugh and vomit.
Apparently. . .
. . .the best part of this man did not run down his mother's ass and end up a brown stain on the mattress.
Eeeewwww........
Eeeewwww........
Oddity. . .
Looking back through the logs of the comings and goings around here during my absence and someone from the land down under was searching for "the equation for burning toast."
Hmmmm. . .
Well, whatever it may be, I'm sure the solution equals this: stanky!!
Get out the butter knife.
Hmmmm. . .
Well, whatever it may be, I'm sure the solution equals this: stanky!!
Get out the butter knife.
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